The Poet in Me

Poetry is one of the things that I've always had a great love for... not only reading it, but writing it to let the demons out of my soul... there are two poems that I feel like sharing today... they were both written in April (one in April 2001, the other in April 2006)... both are intensely personal.  I hope you enjoy.

Blue (Written by Kassie Ritchie Bennett, April 13, 2006, after the loss of her baby Chance the previous day)

I am blue.
I hate blue.
It rips my heart out--injures my soul...
Reminds of things that are beyond my control.
It makes my head spin, my heart race, my hands shake...
It throbs in my veins and makes my heart ache.


I am blue.
I hate blue.
His blanket was blue... pale & stark.
His skin was paper-thin and remarkably unmarked.
The sight of his face made my heart long to cry out...
Made my legs quiver in sorrow... made my faith fill with doubt.


But blue is the color of his daddy's big eyes...
It's the color of rain & God's enormous sky.
That blankie? I hold it & stroke it... it's salve.
I cannot hate blue--it's all that I have.

Being Me (Written by Kassie Ritchie Bennett, April 11, 2001)

Sometimes it's unbearably overwhelming to be me...
Quiet and reserved, yet loud and brash and fun...
Knowledgeable, yet terribly naive...
Soft-hearted, yet calloused...

Sometimes it hurts to be me...
When people trample on me...
Into the dirt...
Thinking to themselves that I will make it out alive...
Fine... intact... when all I wanna do is crumble to the floor.

Sometimes I don't want to be me...
I want to climb into a darkened attic...
Stay there forever...
Locked up and sheltered from the outside world...

But...
Sometimes I love being me...
When I can jump and dance without fear of judgment...
When I can laugh and love who I want, when I want...
When I can sit quietly and watch the world spinning by with such great satisfaction...

Because, after all, the only thing I really know is being me...